By Lee Brown, Downtown campus

In North Carolina, I was a worship leader and youth pastor for almost six years, and I saw Jesus move in mighty ways. But there was something I constantly fought that I never truly dealt with: I struggled with pornography and homosexuality.

There were long periods during which I resisted these temptations, but all I was really doing was pushing these things aside and not dealing with them. I didn’t bring them into the light.

The deception finally caught up with me when my pastor asked me how I was doing with masturbation. I was honest with him, and as a result of my sin I was asked to leave the church and the community.

Two years ago, I came to Seattle to get away from it all. When I first arrived, I tried to go to church, but it didn’t feel right anymore. I thought I was condemned and began to tell myself that I could never be restored.

I gave in to pornography at every opportunity and sought out wrong relationships. I started getting drunk and high every night. For a year and a half this went on, and I was content to let it keep going. But after one particularly rough day, I prayed for Jesus to send someone into my life to help me return to Him.

That’s when my friend David got a job where I was working and began trying to minister to me. I wouldn’t have it. I just couldn’t believe that Jesus would have me back. He kept trying, and I kept resisting. When David moved on to a new job, the person that replaced him was also a Christian.

After two nights of working with her, I couldn’t take it anymore. I started to weep at the realization that Jesus was not giving up on me. I called David and soon after started coming to Mars Hill. I joined a community group, and the Holy Spirit gave me the courage to share my journey without holding anything back. I saw true grace for the first time in my life!

Jesus began to work on my heart and moved in me to begin restoring relationships back home. I took a trip and met with several of the leaders. I shared my journey with them and asked forgiveness. Jesus restored all the relationships. He went before me and prepared their hearts. I came back and joined a Mars Hill Redemption Group, and Jesus has continued to restore me to himself.

I’m feeling the freedom of living in the light. I still fight the flesh, but I’m learning to trust Jesus more and more everyday. I know that I’m saved and no one can take that away. I’ve learned one of the most important lessons that a Christian can learn…Jesus pursues!

“Not even six months ago, I was running from Jesus. I decided that I would never go to church again because of what had happened to me. For six years I had been a youth pastor and worship leader. I had always fought back the homosexual feelings and hidden my battle with pornography. Even with what I saw as a successful thriving ministry the battle didn’t go away.. Eventually I fell headlong into pornography and was removed from ministry. My life was devastated. I felt like my whole world had been ripped out from under me. It was over. I got as far away as I could. I moved here to Seattle to escape the pain and Jesus. You cannot escape Jesus! He allowed me to run for over a year in the complete opposite direction of Him. I served my flesh by giving into the pornography and homosexuality. He finally said, “enough!” He began to send people into my life to speak His words. Even as I tried to push them away, he was changing my heart. He brought me to church during the “Jonah” series. Wow! I told my story in full for the first time and true freedom entered into my life. It’s through redemption group, friends who love the Lord, and the power of the Holy Spirit that I’m living for the Glory of Jesus. I’m pursuing Him and not my flesh or the things of this world. I’m learning what it means to live a thankful life and truly worship Jesus as my Lord. I guess I could really sum it up with two words…Jesus pursues!”

Mars Hill Church Downtown lives for Jesus as a city within the city of Seattle: knowing culture, loving people, and seeing lives transformed to live for Jesus. For more information, visit us HERE. For information on community groups and other ministries go HERE. For general questions, you may email us at downtown@marshillchurch.org.